Self sabotage.

This is a phrase that most people know.  If you don’t, you can read about it in this awesome article.

My person cage of hell is that I’m afraid of putting out mediocre work (like this blog post).

It wasn’t until a recent opportunity came along that I realized how my want for great work has kept me from creating anything.

I was invited to bring a troupe to be an opener for my friend’s improv duo.  I had no troupe, nothing, but I said yes anyways.  In that moment, it was either pull something together immediately or do nothing at all.  I never imagined randomly asking people to join a troupe.  I never imagined that we would only have 3 rehearsals before the show.  Yet it’s been an incredible experience.

My perfectionist side had a completely different path set for me when I had dreamed about building a troupe.  It had envisioned everything to be planned out in advanced, months of preparation work, deep group bonding as well as many more tasks before we would do any performing.  Before this opportunity arose, I wanted everything to be exactly like it was in my mind that I didn’t do anything except dream and “plan” about it.

The creation process is messy and unexpected and that’s why I love it.  Sometimes, I just get so afraid of not being able to perform anymore, that if I put out bad work, people will stop asking me to play and create with them.  I stop myself before others can.  I still don’t want to put out mediocre work, but I can’t be afraid of that possibility.

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